Sailor.

I'm embarassed. I curse too much. It's disgusting. So this one is rated G, on launguage, not subject matter.

My belongings are here! I'm rather disappointed that one box I realllly wanted got left at Dad's, but I'm so happy to have most of my stuff. So. Logan knows about Nathan and I. Which is a little awkward. I feel bad that I jumped into a relationship two weeks after ending a two and a half year one, but Nathan is so worth it. :]

Nathan! Jeebus, I love this boy :] We've talked about college things with me, and he said I don't have to ask him to wait for me. That sounds too good to be true to me. If he really did, it would be a dream come true, straight up. I want to believe that I have the strength to hold on if I go to Washington, and I believe I can, so time will tell on that one. I really really straight up see a future with him. Not to sound creepy or anything :] I'm way happy right now, and he's pretty much the only source.

My friends are idiots. I don't know if they're even my friends anymore. I call, I text, I message, whatever, it doesn't matter. It seems as though I don't exist anymore. Last night, I was sitting at the hookah bar with Nathan, Ian, Ron, and Dallas, and in they walk! Like the huge group was supposed to come. I'm talking Nate, Preston, Zoe, Bob, Logan, Danielle, Josh, Britt, etc. It's ridiculous. Don't bother calling me though, it's no big deal. They say it's always spur of the moment, but in the 20 minutes it takes them to get to Hagerstown, they could call me and I would be there at the same time, yes? Yes. Whatever.

Touching back on the holding on during college thing. Most people are like, oh, well, don't bother staying in a relationship because you'll meet other people at school. I'm not going for that. I am going to bust it to do amazing in college, and that's it. I'm going to do great and I'm going to do it the first time around. I've seen too many of my friends blow their college experience because of partying. Yes, it must be nice, and I don't plan on completely abstaining, but really? Grow up. Focus. Bah.

I'm off to spend the day with my boy :]

Story of my life.

"Afraid of being late, my stomach starts to flutter.
A picture on your mind, her beauty like no other.
You waited for this months on end
Innocence comes brown eyes
Thinking of her, your heart is racing

Nervous like the first time you saw her.
The last 5 minutes feel like an hour.
She's in your arms, smell the perfume.
Kiss her, she went through it too."
-Nathan Alan

Alright so. Life is moving fast. Too fast maybe? I've been back from Washington for two weeks as of tomorrow. I've got this hella amazing new bofo, who makes me so incredibly happy. I have no job, but have been painting for mom's boyfriend. No car, but I've been using mom's. No belongings, no clothes, no college plans.

Fucking college. My options fucking blow. I can either break dad's or Nathan's heart. I really want to go to University of Washington, I always have. I also really want to stay here, to stay with Nathan and to be here for my sister through her pregnancy and delivery. I see something in the future with Nathan, like really really do. Though I am loving it, this relationship came along at a pretty horrendous time. I almost wish I had put this off a while, you know that whole ignore your feelings thing like we have done since forever through high school. Because I do not want my going away to college to ruin what we have. I almost feel like we should have left it untouched until after college so that it could be as beautiful as it is and uninterrupted by stupid shit like school. He makes me so damn happy. We're so ridiculously comfortable together, and we always laugh, and it's just amazing when we're together. Plus he's so good with my family. That is so incredibly important to me.

Family! That shit sucks too. Amanda, like always, can't pay her bills and is taking mom for everything she's got. It's such a shitty situation. Mom is a mess so she's never any fucking fun anymore. And Amanda, of course, being a preggo, acts like a whore half the time. Not literally, but just a grumpy fuck.

If I lived on an island with music, sudoku, and books, I would be so gravy.
But fuck that noise, I'm facing this mess like a pro, like usual.